Most of us never stop to wonder about how we were sexually socialized. We all grew up with subtle messages about sex and sexuality that we take for granted, if we are even aware we have them.
Unfortunately, too many of us have internalized messages about sex being bad, dirty, shameful or naughty. If you like sex then that says something negative about your moral character. Like you are a slut or a whore, especially women. Too many of us have been the victims of negative sexual events. Among them rape, sexual abuse, assault, sexual harassment and painful sexual experiences.
Many people struggle with severe guilt about their sexual fantasies. The truth is, most of us have woefully little control over what turns us on. Millions of women have sexual fantasies about being placed in a coercive sexual situations. Yet none of them would enjoy that situation if that actually occurred. The secret is to accept the content of your sexual fantasies and understand it is just that, a fantasy. Most fantasies were never meant to be played out or mean you are deprived in any way. Some sex authorities say your sexual fantasies are always politically incorrect.
There are 2 essential mechanisms that need to occur for us to get sexually stimulated. Your parasympathetic nervous system needs to kicks in, for you to become relaxed. Your sympathetic nervous system gets revved up for sexual stimulation. If you experience any “real” danger or threat those physical mechanics can’t happen and therefore enjoyment of the sexual act is a forgone conclusion.