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Did sexual abuse ruin sex for you?

Sexual abuse can have devastating and lasting effects on people. Things like rape, child molestation, incest and sexual assault can all lead to mental and physiological responses that inhibits pleasurable sex with safe sex partners.
Some symptoms include depression, anxiety, posttraumatic stress, self harm, addiction, shame, sexual acting out, unexplained fear of certain situations and/or people, relationship issues such as trust and attachment disorders, personality disorders, triggers (stimuli that reminds the survivor of the sexual abuse event) and of course sexual dysfunction.
What keeps most trauma victims from seeking treatment is the fear of having to talk about and relive the trauma of past abuse. Sexual abuse always includes trauma and treatment must include specialized trauma reducing techniques such as EMDR (Eye Movement and Desensitization and Reprocessing). Techniques like EMDR accomplish both where minimal amount of talking is required to decrease the intensity of trauma so that it can be processed and stored away like a memory without the active trigger.
EMDR is a well researched and accepted trauma treatment. It consists of bilateral stimulation of the body. It’s effectiveness was first discovered with using eye movements but can just as easily be used using tapping on top of the knee, back of hands or with specialized paddles that give a short and painless vibration sensation. This effective technique assists the brain to move traumatic content from the emergency system to the storage system where is does not cause disturbance in your daily thoughts.

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When sex is painful…

Many people experience pain while trying to have sex. Both men and women can develop anxiety when they feel like their bodies are not responding correctly when they are supposed to be sexually aroused. This can lead to avoidance of sexual activity and in extreme cases a belief that you can’t have sex.
Things like a yeast infection, urinary tract infection, giving birth, endometrioses, severe stress, relationship difficulties, grief and sexual trauma can easily be an onset for sexual pain. There is no one reason for pain usually, it’s a complex issue that is not likely going to go away without professional help.
Often individuals who experience pain have been to a medical professional that has assured them they are “normal” and so they try again only to experience more pain and frustration. This can be a very painful and frustrating journey and too many people give up and decide sex is just not for me. But you don’t need to suffer.
There are in fact very successful treatments and supports available for people who suffer from sexual pain. Treatment includes gradual decrease of the anxiety, relaxation exercises, hormonal evaluation, possible referral to a pelvic floor therapist, homework exercises, reconnection with your erotic side, re-education about sexuality and sexual attitudes and learning to enjoy sex again without pain.
It’s a process and everyone can get to a place where they can enjoy sex. You will need courage, patience and a willingness to try again when you are ready. I am ready to start working with you when you are ready to work.

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Sex Hormones, are you deficient?

Did you know that Bio-identical Sex Hormone Replacement Therapy not only does not cause cancer but also has great cardiovascular effects on your body beyond just the improvement on your sex life?
For reasons that are still not very well understood naturally occurring testosterone is decreasing each generation with both men and women. Testosterone also decreases with age naturally for both men and women. This is the hormone most directly linked to sex drive for both genders.
So how is it so many people think their levels are normal when in fact they are inadequate for a good sex drive? The answer is the way medical Dr are trained does not go into details about what is required as long as you fall within the normal curve your level is considered normal. Additionally, 90% of medical Dr practice the way they were taught when they studied and have not kept up with emerging trends.
So what is considered normal? For men levels from 250 to 1100 nanograms per deciliter is considered normal and for women 15 to 90 nanograms per deciliter. In reality most men struggle with erectile disorder and a lack of sex drive with levels below 500 and many women struggle with a lack of sex drive and even anorgasmia with levels below 40.
What should you do? Get to know your values and if you are below average and you are experiencing difficulties consult with a hormone specialist in your area. When it comes to hormones, a little boost goes a long way and you don’t have to accept deficiencies. Bio-identical Hormone Replacement Therapy is safe and effective way to address lack of sexual desire and associated performance issues.

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Sexual Fantasies, am I a creep?

Most of us never stop to wonder about how we were sexually socialized. We all grew up with subtle messages about sex and sexuality that we take for granted if we are even aware we have them.

Unfortunately, too many of us have internalized messages about sex being bad, dirty, naughty or if you like it that says something negative about your moral character, like you are a slut or a whore. Too many of us have been the victims of negative sexual events, rape, sexual abuse, assault, sexual harassment and painful sexual experiences to name a few.

Many people struggle with severe guilt about their sexual fantasies. The truth is most of us have woefully little control over what turns us on. Millions of women have sexual fantasies about being placed in a coercive sexual situation, yet none of them would enjoy that situation if that actually occurred. The secret is to accept the content of your sexual fantasies and understand it is just that, a fantasy. Most fantasies were never meant to be played out or mean you are deprived in any way. Some sex authorities say your sexual fantasies are always politically incorrect.

There are 2 essential mechanisms that need to occur for us to get sexually stimulated. Your parasympathetic nervous system needs to kicks in you for you to become relaxed and your sympathetic nervous system gets revved up for sexual stimulation. If you experience any “real” danger or threat those physical mechanics can’t happen and therefore enjoyment of the sexual act is a forgone conclusion.